Friends?! How many of us have them?

If your “friends” can’t speak life into you, RUN, if your “friends” only talk about their lives and they don’t have the discernment to see past your “i’m good” again let them go. We are too grown to hold onto empty friendships. I have noticed and held onto friendships that I like to call one-sided. Time has taught me this is not friendship.

What is friendship?

Friendship is honesty, as I like to say keeping it real. You know what I can stand? Going through a sucky situation and when I come out alive on the other end someone who is suppose to be a friend hits me with a “I knew that wasn’t a good idea”. WELLLLL, why didn’t you say anything!!??

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Brethren, if any person is overtaken in misconduct or sin of any sort, you who are spiritual [who are responsive to and controlled by the Spirit] should set him right and restore and reinstate him, without any sense of superiority and with all gentleness. (Galatians 6:1)

Friendship is intentional, have you ever had a moment where you needed to vent or share and your “friend” was more focused on their phone or overall just not present with you. Friends should listen to you and listen to understand not listen to reply. Their presence should be intentional. A friend who is present makes one feel cared about and that what I’m saying matters to you.

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 Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.” (Proverbs 27:9)

Friendship is rejoicing, pay attention to how stale a conversation becomes when you express an accomplishment to foe friend. Your accomplishments are your friend’s accomplishments cause their love and support should be apart of your successes. Jealously? Don’t nobody got time for that.

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“But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic.” (James 3:14-15)

Friendship is growth, when there is no movement in something it is dead. That even means in your friendships. Where are you both progressing too? Or is there is only one of you moving? Can’t have squad goals if you are all just entertaining each other but not lifting each other to progress somewhere in their lives. This can mean spiritual, physical, or financial but friendship has it perks and if growth is not one of them #issaproblem.

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“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” (Proverbs 27:17)

My prayer is that you understand the depth and purpose of friendship and you do not walk into 2018 with meaningless connections. Your squad is your tribe, find them and love them.

#SQUAD

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#WalkWithMe ?!?

I’ll be starting a series of writing pieces all entitled “#Walk With Me”.

Different pieces of writing that really put you in my shoes during what I deem critical moments in my life, and my walk with Christ. In my attempt at being more transparent I present #WalkWithMe.

Your probably saying but Daphne you have a blog, but Daphne we talk all the time, or Daph you have your podcast aren’t you open enough?

Yeah issa no, I say that because my blog posts thus far are well thought out pieces where I share with you a little of what I’ve been through on whatever is the topic and the takeaway I want you to grasp from my experiences. My blog is really just practice while i’m writing my first book called Queen Initiatives, you’ll find similar writing there as you do my previous blog posts.

#WalkWithMe is wide open.

As a young woman, a young black, single, saved, corporate America working woman IT’S SOOO REAL out here. Come along and learn how I’m navigating it all. My prayer is that you find relate-ability and some understanding that we are all pencils in the hand of God, but His desire is for us all to have the same dope endings.

#NoLongerBound

#NoLongerBound

I am confident in who I am, and whose I am.
Which allows me to move how I want, and how I am led.
This includes the relationships I have, I am not perfect I slip up here and there but what I won’t be is bound to anyone or anything that takes peace from life.
My question to you is what are you bound to today?
A relationship? A friendship? A past situation or mistake?

My last question to you….is the time your wasting, worth it?
#letitgo #begreat #DaphneSpeaks #nolongerbound

Hey, your ignorance is showing….

Hey, your ignorance is showing….

 

Beware of those who are loud in a crowd and quiet in a group setting.-Daphne C.

This past election has brought out a lot in people and that’s okay cause at least you know where people stand.

Lets stop right there and make it clear anything I believe in means I am well versed, and well researched and I love talking about my beliefs, values, political position etc. In other words,

I stay ready!

I believe when you can scream your excitement for your choice (you can use the word beliefs, values, political stance, does not matter it still applies) in a crowd where you have others who are in agreement with you but you won’t say a peep in a small group discussion where opposition to your choice is outnumbering you or in the group in general…..that’s a problem to me and that makes me question your character. It immediately lets me know you are a follower and could not back up your choice in a discussion so you opt to stay silent.

Those are individuals I don’t care to deal with cause when the rubber meets the road your going to go for the side of whoever you are following.

I have never been a follower and I could not fathom making decisions so important to my future, future of my unborn children, future of society on the opinion of someone else. Someone’s opinion may very well spark a thought in me or bring to light something I did not know before. BUT only a FOOL listens to anything and receives it as knowledge at face value without researching for themselves.

My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge Hosea 4:6

I do not care what you believe in, and I do not lose sleep over who you voted for, I am called to  love you all the same. I do care about your WHY, and HOW you came to your decision. That will tell me everything I need to know. I cannot knock a  well researched TRUMP/CLINTON/ETC voter. Because you looked into several things and found that, that candidate was the best for your beliefs and the future you desire to see for America. It’s okay to agree to disagree. I’m not a biased fool and I love a good, healthy and factual discussion.

Now would I marry someone with opposite beliefs of me (HECK NO), that’s called being unequally yoked. Nor, would I end a friendship over politic beliefs but what I will do is grill you to understand how you decided that vote and if it is an answer outside of your own research welllllll #youcantsitwithme

That was burning on the inside of me to share and I just ask, and pray that as individuals we wake up and think for ourselves. This is not a #staywoke piece. This is a stop being ignorant, stop being a follower and do some reading before you run the streets screaming Whoo Hooo (insert whatever you want). When you can’t even explain a valid or factual reason you feel that way. Stop getting caught up in emotion and be more purposeful with your decisions.

Be Blessed ❤

He Broke My Heart, Now What?!

He Broke My Heart, Now What?!

The Lord is really laying on my heart to talk to the woman who is battling with heartbreak, battling with the fact that a man you loved, a man you gave your heart too

STEPPED ALL OVER IT!!!

Let us talk about it shall we and let me start by reminding you, your worth is NOT in a man sis! I promise, I promise you are still beautiful and amazing with or without one. Your relationship status DOES NOT define you. When your were formed in your mother’s womb God gave you a purpose alone he did not give you a purpose that could only be fulfilled when you have a man.

So let’s get that out the way and make that clear, you have a purpose in Christ that you have been tasked to fulfill ALONE not you and a +1. Proverbs 19:21

Now what I’ve learned and what I’m seeing around me is heartbreak is HARD okay, I get it. With knowing that, no one should downplay your feelings with “it’s gonna be okay” “you’ll find someone better” “just get over it” and all the many things people tend to tell you when you’ve gone through a heart break. Now let me say they are telling you the truth don’t dismiss that BUT it’s not what the issue is I know, I’ve been there those are not the things you really care to hear fresh in the heartache.

But can I tell you something that I know got me through heartbreak (twice might I add)?

IT WAS NOT ABOUT YOU! IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!

So dry your tears for a second and hear me out. Stop re-reading the text messages, stop analyzing the past conversations word for word, trying to read between the lines of that emoji he sent you a month and a half ago, lol. STOP! Stop looking for an answer to “What did I say?, what could I have said?, what could I have done different?” You know you were a good woman right? You encouraged him, you were kind, caring, available, you gave your best physically, emotionally, financially and mentally right? Yes, you did and that is why it hurts so freaking much! I get it!  Cause if you knew you were a wack or an OK GF and you weren’t really all in anyway you wouldn’t be crying your heart out right now into your pillow wondering over and over why!?

He has issues that have to be worked out of him, when a man is not content, when he is not fully healed of his own issues and matured he is going to hurt every woman he deals with in one way or another. I could tell you what I’ve been through what so and so did to me and we can debate about who got hurt more or less chileeeee, but what does it really matter heartbreak is heartbreak we all experience the emotions and did the things I referenced above.

But when you come to an understanding that *insert heart breaker’s name here* was not complete in Christ, he had mommy and/or daddy issues, he had mental health issues, he once battled with alcoholism and depression, he had insecurities. You will then understand wow I need to pray for him, he needs help. Because he still needs help he is hurting every woman he deals with. Now I say he “had” all those issues in past tense because of course when you first starting to get to know each he made you believe he overcame those issues right?? Well wrong he didn’t, and because he didn’t you became another victim. Sucks right?? Yeah I know.

But an understanding of this causes a shift, it shifts the victim role to no it was never about you, it’s about him. I promise you and please hold me too it, if you think of the issues you and heart breaker had even if they only presented themselves once or twice I guarantee you will have a revelation like yeah wow he did show signs of insecurities, or he did have abandonment, or past issues. When you realize that just do one thing for me, pray for him, pray that God brings him healing in that area and forgive him sis, forgive him not for him but for you. When you release that control he has over you, when you desire healing for him only then sis have you begun the healing process, then you have released the anger, the bitterness and insecurities that began to take root.

I know your going to get through this, I know your gonna come back GLO’D up and that is what it’s all about your learning more and more as you get older. Going forward in dating first pray for discernment, you’ll start to pick up clues if a man is ready or not, abstain from sex, it will make things easier and no exchange of soul ties which makes the healing process more difficult if things don’t go right, take your time don’t rush, real love is a lifetime sis take your time, and last pray to God and tell him you want what he has for you and prepare yourself for when he’s ready to present it too you. I love you and I’m here!!

Streetswaited

Listen Linda, Listen!!!

I have a heart and future ministry in y’all, you’re my core audience. Hear me out, I glorify Christ in all my writing, when I speak etc because I cannot truly help you or speak on myself with out Him. It’s only through Him I have the experiences and the words to share with you how I overcame many of the things we battle as women.

Did you ever take a moment to analyze all the things YOU love about yourself?

No? Do it now!

Take the list and break it down why you do love your smile, why do you love your freckles? Take all that and hang it up somewhere. You see as women we spend too much time on what’s not right about us. Oh my hips are too big….Oh my chest is too small..wellllll…what about the things you wouldn’t change if you could?

Let’s focus on that

A long time ago I wasn’t my biggest fan, I could list you all my “flaws” but I couldn’t tell you what I liked about myself and I couldn’t do that because if it wasn’t magnified by someone else well it had to be a flaw, that’s where I was wrong I’m the first to say my validation was not coming from the right place (thank God for growth).

I found as I grew in self love, maturity and most importantly in Christ that everything I once disliked about myself are actually all the things I grew to love about myself. HA! It’s funny to me now that at one point I disliked my lips for example, like how odd is that cause now I love my lips, how did I not see the greatness in the curve of my smile, these soft pillows that makes my lipstick just pop. 😉 I love the eloquence in which I speak, my ability to articulate myself, the ability I have to adjust my speech to talk to anyone, all ages, all levels of education. How did I not see what a great quality that was, a quality that affords me opportunities to speak to so many people in my career, my educational pursuits, to witness. I once thought that this made me stand out in a negative way.

The devil will have you believing all your greatness, all the gifts that God blessed you with to help others are negative features. It’s a shame and I would be remiss if I didn’t share this and tell you, you too think this way. I could go on about myself not too be cocky or anything of that nature but simply because I am self-aware, and I love myself that much and I give God all the glory cause He had to remind what greatness he placed in me and how amazing He created me.

Did you know that everything you are, God placed in you for a reason?
(1 Corinthians 12: 22-24, Romans 12: 4-8, Ephesians 2: 10)

ListenLinda

Be encouraged and reminded that you really are beautiful, every little thing about you. You have a purpose, you have to go through a mess to develop a message, you have to be tested to have a testimony. Their is nothing you can do where you are too far to come back, or to fall from His grace. We are big deal as women, we birth nations. Did you know how much of a big deal we are?? Do you understand that once you recognize the greatness in you, the gifts Christ placed in you, your unstoppable? Now the weapons may form against you, but they will not prosper. Those weapons are haters, your thoughts, your circumstances. Things will happen, let me be the first to tell you i’m so far from perfect but Christ thinks i’m too die for. You will begin to put off an energy that attracts more greatness too you. Make that list ladies! Now! Be honest with yourself their is nothing wrong with recognizing what you love about yourself from your physical traits, to your personality traits. God made you that way! If no one told you, let me tell you, you are beautiful, I love you and appreciate all your greatness.