You Deserve Peace Too!!!

I know, I know they always tell us to be a man’s peace, but sis you need peace too!! If his presence, and/or his touch doesn’t do the same cut that ninja off.

#BOYBYE

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As women (especially women in Christ) we are always being told what we should do, who we should be, to prepare for a husband.

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Don’t get me wrong I agree with it all for the most part. Be submissive, be able to commit, bring something to table that helps his purpose (**cough**HELPMEET**cough**), be someone who can be led and know when to lead, be someone who knows when to shut up, and most important of all understand your purpose in your single season and already be chasing your calling and destiny.

**To go a step further it is my belief you are a wife way before you get a ring and a man. You are a wife right where you are in life, you are submissive, caring, a help meet etc. When you are married it simply shows a man has recognized the wife in you and simply made you HIS wife. You don’t suddenly walk down the aisle and have to change the foundation of who you already are, I do not believe it works this way, but I digress.**

What I do not agree with is what happens when you “have arrived”. I quote that because none of us will ever arrive, but none the less for purposes of making my point your a single woman, you love the Lord, and you out here getting it!!!

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What I do not agree with is how society holds marriage over the head of young women as if something is wrong if you are unmarried. What I do not agree with is how some churches dangle marriage like a carrot in front of young women that only if they do XYZ and are perfect then the Lord will bless them with a husband. What I do not agree with are all these things that are said that somehow blame women for being unmarried when the word of God tells us HE who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. That tells me HE should be looking for me, and HE technically should be prepping to find his good thing. That further tells me HE obtains favor cause WE are the prize, we are far above rubies! So, why is the pressure so hard on women, unun i’m not buying it!

Now someone comes around showing interest and suddenly it’s all about ensuring he recognizes the jewel that you are, which is great…….BUT…….what about him? Where are all the conferences, bible studies, inspirational quotes and memes telling you what to look for and how to handle said guy??                                                                                                    (To answer this question refer to Ephesians 5)

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Sis, you deserve everything you are, and then some. As much as you bring to the table spiritually, mentally, all the llys!! As women we multiply everything given to us. I love the quote by William Golding:

Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.

So, from one single, out here getting it sister to another:

YOU DESERVE PEACE TOO!

You deserve for his presence to make your life easier as well. You deserve that when he is with you, your burdens are lighter because he eases them. You deserve for him to encourage your gift and bring out the best in you. You deserve this as much as he deserves it. Now do not twist my words I am not saying when the brother comes around he need to pay bills #heckno I am saying in the stage of building a relationship you shouldn’t have to fight so hard to prove who and what you are. A man of God will recognize your greatness and what you bring to the table. All you have to do is pursue greatness, and purpose, trust that God will do the rest. Sit, observe. pray. Stop letting society back you into to a corner and make you feel less than! You a fearfully and wonderfully made. NOTHING LESS!!

I pray this brings some peace and reassurance to your life today!!

Friends?! How many of us have them?

If your “friends” can’t speak life into you, RUN, if your “friends” only talk about their lives and they don’t have the discernment to see past your “i’m good” again let them go. We are too grown to hold onto empty friendships. I have noticed and held onto friendships that I like to call one-sided. Time has taught me this is not friendship.

What is friendship?

Friendship is honesty, as I like to say keeping it real. You know what I can stand? Going through a sucky situation and when I come out alive on the other end someone who is suppose to be a friend hits me with a “I knew that wasn’t a good idea”. WELLLLL, why didn’t you say anything!!??

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Brethren, if any person is overtaken in misconduct or sin of any sort, you who are spiritual [who are responsive to and controlled by the Spirit] should set him right and restore and reinstate him, without any sense of superiority and with all gentleness. (Galatians 6:1)

Friendship is intentional, have you ever had a moment where you needed to vent or share and your “friend” was more focused on their phone or overall just not present with you. Friends should listen to you and listen to understand not listen to reply. Their presence should be intentional. A friend who is present makes one feel cared about and that what I’m saying matters to you.

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 Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.” (Proverbs 27:9)

Friendship is rejoicing, pay attention to how stale a conversation becomes when you express an accomplishment to foe friend. Your accomplishments are your friend’s accomplishments cause their love and support should be apart of your successes. Jealously? Don’t nobody got time for that.

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“But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic.” (James 3:14-15)

Friendship is growth, when there is no movement in something it is dead. That even means in your friendships. Where are you both progressing too? Or is there is only one of you moving? Can’t have squad goals if you are all just entertaining each other but not lifting each other to progress somewhere in their lives. This can mean spiritual, physical, or financial but friendship has it perks and if growth is not one of them #issaproblem.

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“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” (Proverbs 27:17)

My prayer is that you understand the depth and purpose of friendship and you do not walk into 2018 with meaningless connections. Your squad is your tribe, find them and love them.

#SQUAD

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#WalkWithMe ?!?

I’ll be starting a series of writing pieces all entitled “#Walk With Me”.

Different pieces of writing that really put you in my shoes during what I deem critical moments in my life, and my walk with Christ. In my attempt at being more transparent I present #WalkWithMe.

Your probably saying but Daphne you have a blog, but Daphne we talk all the time, or Daph you have your podcast aren’t you open enough?

Yeah issa no, I say that because my blog posts thus far are well thought out pieces where I share with you a little of what I’ve been through on whatever is the topic and the takeaway I want you to grasp from my experiences. My blog is really just practice while i’m writing my first book called Queen Initiatives, you’ll find similar writing there as you do my previous blog posts.

#WalkWithMe is wide open.

As a young woman, a young black, single, saved, corporate America working woman IT’S SOOO REAL out here. Come along and learn how I’m navigating it all. My prayer is that you find relate-ability and some understanding that we are all pencils in the hand of God, but His desire is for us all to have the same dope endings.

#NoLongerBound

#NoLongerBound

I am confident in who I am, and whose I am.
Which allows me to move how I want, and how I am led.
This includes the relationships I have, I am not perfect I slip up here and there but what I won’t be is bound to anyone or anything that takes peace from life.
My question to you is what are you bound to today?
A relationship? A friendship? A past situation or mistake?

My last question to you….is the time your wasting, worth it?
#letitgo #begreat #DaphneSpeaks #nolongerbound

Hey, your ignorance is showing….

Hey, your ignorance is showing….

 

Beware of those who are loud in a crowd and quiet in a group setting.-Daphne C.

This past election has brought out a lot in people and that’s okay cause at least you know where people stand.

Lets stop right there and make it clear anything I believe in means I am well versed, and well researched and I love talking about my beliefs, values, political position etc. In other words,

I stay ready!

I believe when you can scream your excitement for your choice (you can use the word beliefs, values, political stance, does not matter it still applies) in a crowd where you have others who are in agreement with you but you won’t say a peep in a small group discussion where opposition to your choice is outnumbering you or in the group in general…..that’s a problem to me and that makes me question your character. It immediately lets me know you are a follower and could not back up your choice in a discussion so you opt to stay silent.

Those are individuals I don’t care to deal with cause when the rubber meets the road your going to go for the side of whoever you are following.

I have never been a follower and I could not fathom making decisions so important to my future, future of my unborn children, future of society on the opinion of someone else. Someone’s opinion may very well spark a thought in me or bring to light something I did not know before. BUT only a FOOL listens to anything and receives it as knowledge at face value without researching for themselves.

My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge Hosea 4:6

I do not care what you believe in, and I do not lose sleep over who you voted for, I am called to  love you all the same. I do care about your WHY, and HOW you came to your decision. That will tell me everything I need to know. I cannot knock a  well researched TRUMP/CLINTON/ETC voter. Because you looked into several things and found that, that candidate was the best for your beliefs and the future you desire to see for America. It’s okay to agree to disagree. I’m not a biased fool and I love a good, healthy and factual discussion.

Now would I marry someone with opposite beliefs of me (HECK NO), that’s called being unequally yoked. Nor, would I end a friendship over politic beliefs but what I will do is grill you to understand how you decided that vote and if it is an answer outside of your own research welllllll #youcantsitwithme

That was burning on the inside of me to share and I just ask, and pray that as individuals we wake up and think for ourselves. This is not a #staywoke piece. This is a stop being ignorant, stop being a follower and do some reading before you run the streets screaming Whoo Hooo (insert whatever you want). When you can’t even explain a valid or factual reason you feel that way. Stop getting caught up in emotion and be more purposeful with your decisions.

Be Blessed ❤

He Broke My Heart, Now What?!

He Broke My Heart, Now What?!

The Lord is really laying on my heart to talk to the woman who is battling with heartbreak, battling with the fact that a man you loved, a man you gave your heart too

STEPPED ALL OVER IT!!!

Let us talk about it shall we and let me start by reminding you, your worth is NOT in a man sis! I promise, I promise you are still beautiful and amazing with or without one. Your relationship status DOES NOT define you. When your were formed in your mother’s womb God gave you a purpose alone he did not give you a purpose that could only be fulfilled when you have a man.

So let’s get that out the way and make that clear, you have a purpose in Christ that you have been tasked to fulfill ALONE not you and a +1. Proverbs 19:21

Now what I’ve learned and what I’m seeing around me is heartbreak is HARD okay, I get it. With knowing that, no one should downplay your feelings with “it’s gonna be okay” “you’ll find someone better” “just get over it” and all the many things people tend to tell you when you’ve gone through a heart break. Now let me say they are telling you the truth don’t dismiss that BUT it’s not what the issue is I know, I’ve been there those are not the things you really care to hear fresh in the heartache.

But can I tell you something that I know got me through heartbreak (twice might I add)?

IT WAS NOT ABOUT YOU! IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!

So dry your tears for a second and hear me out. Stop re-reading the text messages, stop analyzing the past conversations word for word, trying to read between the lines of that emoji he sent you a month and a half ago, lol. STOP! Stop looking for an answer to “What did I say?, what could I have said?, what could I have done different?” You know you were a good woman right? You encouraged him, you were kind, caring, available, you gave your best physically, emotionally, financially and mentally right? Yes, you did and that is why it hurts so freaking much! I get it!  Cause if you knew you were a wack or an OK GF and you weren’t really all in anyway you wouldn’t be crying your heart out right now into your pillow wondering over and over why!?

He has issues that have to be worked out of him, when a man is not content, when he is not fully healed of his own issues and matured he is going to hurt every woman he deals with in one way or another. I could tell you what I’ve been through what so and so did to me and we can debate about who got hurt more or less chileeeee, but what does it really matter heartbreak is heartbreak we all experience the emotions and did the things I referenced above.

But when you come to an understanding that *insert heart breaker’s name here* was not complete in Christ, he had mommy and/or daddy issues, he had mental health issues, he once battled with alcoholism and depression, he had insecurities. You will then understand wow I need to pray for him, he needs help. Because he still needs help he is hurting every woman he deals with. Now I say he “had” all those issues in past tense because of course when you first starting to get to know each he made you believe he overcame those issues right?? Well wrong he didn’t, and because he didn’t you became another victim. Sucks right?? Yeah I know.

But an understanding of this causes a shift, it shifts the victim role to no it was never about you, it’s about him. I promise you and please hold me too it, if you think of the issues you and heart breaker had even if they only presented themselves once or twice I guarantee you will have a revelation like yeah wow he did show signs of insecurities, or he did have abandonment, or past issues. When you realize that just do one thing for me, pray for him, pray that God brings him healing in that area and forgive him sis, forgive him not for him but for you. When you release that control he has over you, when you desire healing for him only then sis have you begun the healing process, then you have released the anger, the bitterness and insecurities that began to take root.

I know your going to get through this, I know your gonna come back GLO’D up and that is what it’s all about your learning more and more as you get older. Going forward in dating first pray for discernment, you’ll start to pick up clues if a man is ready or not, abstain from sex, it will make things easier and no exchange of soul ties which makes the healing process more difficult if things don’t go right, take your time don’t rush, real love is a lifetime sis take your time, and last pray to God and tell him you want what he has for you and prepare yourself for when he’s ready to present it too you. I love you and I’m here!!

Streetswaited